Experiencing imposter syndrome as a woman in tech

I remember when I landed my first role as a Junior Software Engineer at a big American bank and I was so excited!

All the hard work had finally paid off, and I was genuinely proud of myself. From self teaching, leaning into various communities & mentors for support, to teaching other women how to code, I had invested a lot of time to make this dream a reality. 

So why did I start to think that they accidentally hired me, and had confused me with someone else? That they would realise they made this mistake and revoke the offer. 

Or perhaps, I got lucky with the people that interviewed me, and if I had a different interviewer, I probably wouldn’t have landed the role. 

This my friend, is the very definition of imposter syndrome. 

The impostor “syndrome” refers to the notion that some individuals feel as if they ended up in esteemed roles and positions not because of their competencies, but because of some oversight or stroke of luck.

I started to feel intense feelings of anxiety that I was lying to myself and others that I was going to start this role, and began  to imagine the embarrassment I’d face  when I had to tell people that the company did actually make a mistake and I was back to applying for jobs again. 

On a conscious level, I knew that I was probably being irrational, but emotionally, I struggled to shake off these feelings and thoughts. 

I figured that when I actually start the role, I’d start fresh and the imposter syndrome would also be out of the window too seeing as I will have actually started the role. 

I was wrong. 

It was there in full force, but with the message that I was actually an imposter and people would soon find out. 

I felt like seeing as I had taught others to code, and had put myself out there on LinkedIn in particular, that people would have high expectations of me and I was afraid of not living up to those standards. 

It was especially tough, as I started learning Java as part of my onboarding experience, and I was completely flustered and lost despite the support I was getting.

During this time, I won an award for the work I was doing in teaching women how to code and being active in tech communities, and I remember being at the awards event feeling like I did not deserve to be there.

I also felt like I couldn’t share it with people, because it didn’t make sense that I was winning awards but also struggling so much to learn Java and not picking it up as quickly as others. 

With time, I came to understand more about why I was experiencing these feelings, along with methods that have helped me (and continue to help me) as I navigate managing these feelings and thoughts.

In this bi-weekly newsletter, we will be going on a journey to equip you with the tools and knowledge to understand and overcome imposter syndrome.

We will be looking into various different studies surrounding the different characteristics of imposter syndrome,  and methods to kick imposter syndrome to the curb. 

Be sure to subscribe to the newsletter here.

Until next time, 

Amber