The power of kindness as a motivational force

“Anyone else feel like they need to learn how to use compassion to drive your motivation rather then just sheer spite”

I recently delivered my first online webinar of the year all about fearless goal setting and this comment got me thinking about how we speak to ourselves.

A few years ago, I received advice to speak to myself with the same compassion and understanding that I would to my best friend. This felt pretty profound because I wasn’t aware of just how brutal my inner critic was.

If I made a mistake, I would rip into myself about how I should know better, how stupid I was, and feel awful. It was literally just like this:

However, I’m here to encourage you to practice some self-compassion. According to self-compassion.org, self-compassion entails being warm and understanding toward ourselves when we suffer, fail, or feel inadequate, rather than ignoring our pain or flagellating ourselves with self-criticism.  Self-compassionate people recognise that being imperfect, failing, and experiencing life difficulties is inevitable, so they tend to be gentle with themselves when confronted with painful experiences rather than getting angry when life falls short of set ideals.

“That is what compassion does. It challenges our assumptions, our sense of self-limitation, worthlessness, of not having a place in the world, our feelings of loneliness and estrangement. These are narrow, constrictive states of mind. As we develop compassion, our hearts open.” —Sharon Salzberg

Self-compassion involves treating ourselves kindly, like we would a close friend we care about. Kindness is more than just a fleeting gesture; it's a powerful force for positive change. It makes a massive difference in how we feel about ourselves, how we collaborate with others, and even brings a sense of belonging. 

How do you feel at work when a colleague gives you a simple act of encouragement, or gives you great feedback, or just shares a kind word? Most likely you’ll feel motivated, engaged, but most importantly, valued. 

Feeling seen, heard, and appreciated generates a powerful sense of motivation to reciprocate those feelings. In workplaces where kindness is embedded in the culture, employees are not just motivated by deadlines and achievements; we are motivated by the shared goal of creating a supportive and harmonious community.

Beyond the workplace, kindness has the potential to ignite personal motivation and growth. When faced with challenges or setbacks, receiving a kind word or gesture can provide the encouragement needed to keep going, especially with the support of others. 

According to The School of Kindness, acts of kindness are often accompanied by a feeling of emotional warmth which in turn produces the hormone oxytocin in your body. Oxytocin causes the release of a chemical called nitric oxide, which expands our blood vessels, reduces blood pressure and protects our heart.

Kindness doesn't have to be grand or extravagant; its strength lies in its simplicity. This journey takes time, and I’m very fortunate to have supportive and kind friends, family, and colleagues that lift me up when I’m feeling down.

It’s so important to lean into support, especially when you’re the person that people tend to go to when they need a pick me up - you can’t pour from an empty cup.